It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
