so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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