lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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