i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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