Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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