it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
