Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
