I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
