I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
