Will you blow on my dice?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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