saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
