I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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