Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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