I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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