I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
