Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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