the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
