If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
