WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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