I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As shirtless as possible
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
