apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
