I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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