There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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