I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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