Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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