im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
