This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
