I faked an abortion last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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