I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
