i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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