One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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