Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
