conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
