Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
