my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
