yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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