i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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