hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
