dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize