Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
