I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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