i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
