my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
