I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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