I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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