i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
