i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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