hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
