My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
