I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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